Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
