Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
