anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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