Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
