why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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