Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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