I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
