So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
