i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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