I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
