You smell like a Billy Joel song
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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