TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
