Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
