i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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