The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
