I was born with a shot glass in my hand
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
