Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
