it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
