I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
