i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
