i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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