I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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