dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
