no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize