angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
