Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
