Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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