What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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