I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My feet surprised me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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