Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
