last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
