I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
