were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
