HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
