She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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