A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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