i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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