the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
