btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
