Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
