Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
