What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
