after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
