I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
