i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
