Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
