Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
