This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
