She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
