i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
