idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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