I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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