I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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