JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She needs sedatives and a leash
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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