go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
