He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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