if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
