I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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