I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
