somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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