I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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