Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
