yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
