I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
how does that bad decision feel?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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