the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
