apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
