Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
