I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
