My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
third nipple confirmed
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
