Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
