I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
