oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize