so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
