the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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