naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
