Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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