remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
