Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dick very happy bro
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
