): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
