made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
